Oh Would That I Had Wings To Fly
by LoriKate
Summary: Rue's world shatters when her name is called. Only twelve years old, she has no chance of surviving the Games. But she's determined that she won't give up, won't die, without a fight. Rated T for HG themes (death, violence, etc.)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

When I wake up in the hovel we call a house, I am seized by an inexplicable fear. Then I remember. It's the Pre-Reaping today. Since District Eleven is so large, they do a "Pre-Reaping" where they reap the tributes for the Hunger Games on television. Then, the next day, the actual Reaping day, all the slips bear that person's name. That is when someone can volunteer, not that anyone does. The Pre-Reaping is the one day – or morning at least – we are guaranteed electricity.

"Rue! Rue! Nooooooo! Not you, not you! It can't be!" It's my nine-year-old sister, Breeze. She must be having one of her frequent nightmares. I walk across the room to her bed.

"It's okay, it's okay," I say soothingly, sitting down and rubbing her back. "It isn't me. I'm right here. I'm not leaving you."

She lifts her face up, disoriented. "It isn't? Has… has the Pre-Reaping happened yet?"

"No. And when it does, it won't be me. It will be someone else, someone we don't know. It will be sad, but it won't be us," I say firmly.

"Promise?" Breeze whispers.

"Promise," I reply, knowing I can promise nothing of the sort. If my name is pulled, my name is pulled, and there's nothing I can do about it. "Now, let's wake your sisters, and we can go to the kitchen." She nods and reaches her arms up. I hug her, then pull her to her feet.

We go around the tiny room, shaking the shoulders of my sisters. This takes a while, as they all need comfort. I repeat the words again and again: "It's okay, it's okay. My name is only in there nine times. There are thousands of names. And think, we have my tesserae."

Finally, we are all up. Breeze, eight-year-old Carol, five-year-old Bell, and I walk into the tiny kitchen/dining room/living room, where my brothers, six-year-old Avery and three-year-old Jordyn, and my parents are waiting.

Without a word, my mother crosses over to me and folds me in her arms, her face in my hair.

"Oh, Rue," she murmurs. "Oh, my sweet baby." I have been told many times that I look like my mother. While it's true that we have the same black frizzy hair, dark skin and eyes, and small stature, I don't believe it. I could never be as beautiful as her.

"Now, Hope. Remember, i's gonna be okay. Nothin's gonna happen to our Rue. Not on her firs' Reapin'. Don' worry," my father says. He is a big man, with a languid way of moving and speaking.

"But, Dannel, I can't help but worry. This is her first Reaping! Our children's first Reaping! This day starts sixteen years of worry, if I've done my math right! Sixteen years!" By the end of her speech, she's shrieking, clutching me so tight I feel a bit lightheaded.

"Let's all have some breakfast," I suggest, gently disentangling myself from my mother's arms.

At each place at the table, on a small, cracked plate, is a biscuit and a rare treat – five cherries. I sit down and immediately start breaking my biscuit into smaller pieces.

My mother notices. "No, Rue. Not today. Today you eat all of your food. And no foraging today. There are to many Peacekeepers out today. And tomorrow."

I nod reluctantly and start on my biscuit. Around me, my family does the same. We talk about nothing, mostly school and the fields. Finally, my mother says, "It's time."

We gather around our small television, me between my parents on the couch, my siblings on the floor in front of us. My mother takes my hand. My heart is pounding and I'm so tense I feel like I could explode.

"Good morning, District Eleven!" Mayor Larson says. "Today is a very exciting day. The Pre-Reaping." He doesn't sound excited—he sounds bored. "Now I hand you over to our lovely escort, Venus Maple."

No sight exists but that screen, there is no sound but their voices.

"Hello, hello!" Venus trills. "How exciting today is! Not as exciting as the actual Reaping, I suppose, or the Opening Ceremony, or the actual start of the Games, but-"

"Venus," the mayor says through gritted teeth. "Just pull the names." The mayor is not a very imposing man, but he has a way of talking that makes you listen.

Well, now the moment you've all been waiting for!" She giggles, then walks over to the giant glass bowl with the girls' slips. Slowly, she picks a slip form the middle and slowly opens it. "Our female tribute iiiis…Rue Bennett!"

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, the next one is longer, I promise. Anyway, please read and review! Hope you liked it!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I feel like I've been hit in the chest, all the air gone whooshing out of me. _Did Venus really just say my name?_ Slowly – that seems to be the theme of today, I note distractedly – my family turns to look at me. My mother lets out a shriek.

"Now, Hope, le's calm down. See who Rue's par'ner is," my father says calmly. This is one of his talents. The ability to sail calmly through a crisis and break down later is one I've often wished I have.

"Yes…" I hear myself say. We turn back to the screen just in time.

"And our male tribute iiiis… Thresh Osser!" No one I know. "All right, District Eleven, I'll see you tomorrow! And don't forget, if you got the letter to be in the square at noon exactly! See you there!" She's so enthusiastic. The seal of Panem shines briefly then the screen – and the lights – go black. My father opens the window and a bright square of sunlight falls across my front.

I take a deep breath, ready to comfort my family and assure them I'll come home. Instead, I burst into tears. My mother holds me against her and my father rubs my back. My siblings gather around anxiously and try to comfort me. They have hardly ever seen me cry.

"Rue? Whassa matter?" Jordyn says. He doesn't understand.

"Oh – oh – oh," I sob. "Oh, Jordy, I – I – oh – oh."

I command myself to stop crying. My tears gradually stop, and I sit up, brushing my hair out of my face.

"Jordy, I – _hic _– I'm in the – _hic _– in the – _hic hic hic_." I've got the hiccups. For some reason I find this funny, and start laughing hysterically. Everyone stares at me, is even more funny, and my stomach starts to hurt from all the hiccuping and laughing.

"What? You're in the what?" Jordyn says.

"In the Hunger Games," my father says after a pause where it's clear I'm in no state to answer. "Your sister is a tribu' in the Hunger Games."

Somehow, him saying that makes it more real. I stop laughing.

* * *

I have always had mixed feelings about the Pre-Reaping. On one hand, this way the tributes have a chance to get used to the idea, pull themselves together, and enjoy a last night together with their family. They – we – I – aren't shocked when their name is pulled, and can appear strong. But on the other hand, it's a whole nother day to think about their – our – my – fate.

After I calmed myself down, I decided I wanted to be alone. I went to my room, telling my family not to follow, and curled up in my bed. I realize with a start that tonight will be the last night I sleep in it. Even if I win, we'll move to the Victor's Village. I'm not sure how I feel about that either. I kind of like this house. It's cozy, it's _home_. But the Victor's Village is 100% nicer.

First things first, Rue, I tell myself. Winning the Games is first. Then you can worry about your house. I have to decide my strategy. Just after I rest. I think I'm in shock. I'm so tired…

When I wake up, it's sunset. I've slept the day away. _Stupid! You've wasted a whole day! A whole day you could have been deciding your strategy for the Opening Ceremony and the training and the interviews and the Games! _I scold myself.

Not knowing what else to do, I stumble toward the kitchen. I'm suddenly anxious for company. Just before I enter, the sound of crying registers. I hang back. I don't want to interrupt.

"Sh-she promised! She p-p-promised me it wasn't her!" Breeze.

"Honey, you know she couldn' promise tha'. She was soothin' you. She didn' know – she couldn' of. Bu' i' was such a small chance, she fel' safe." My father. "She." Already, I was "she." As if saying my name was too much pain to bear.

An unexpected anger surges through me. I'm not dead yet! I haven't given up! Not like them. They've given up on me, think I have no chance. That might be true, but they should support me. Oh – "they." I've done the same thing. As if I'm already in the Capitol, the arena.

I take a deep breath to steel myself, then walk into the kitchen. My father and siblings are sitting at the table while my mother cooks dinner. Everyone's eyes are red-rimmed. Father has his arm around Breeze, who is crying, her nose running.

"Father says you're going away. Don' goway! Don' goway!" Jordy rushes up and clings to my leg. I pick him up.

"I have to. I don't want to. But… you'll see me on the television," I tell him, my voice surprisingly steady.

"I more want to see you here," he wails, then buries his face in my neck.

"Aww, Jordy…I'm sorry. I can't help it." He is so sweet.

"Dinner's almost ready. Go wash up, everyone!" my mother says with false cheerfulness.

When we return from the bathroom, Mother has dinner on the table. Beef stew. My favorite.

"Where did you get the beef?" I ask.

"I went into the merchant area and bought it," Mother says.

"It's good," I say, smiling, and take another sip.

We eat the rest of the meal in silence.

After dinner, Mother asks me what I want to do. I reply that I want to sing all our favorite songs. Mist Rolling Off The Mountain, Fruit Pickers' Tune, Sweet Lily. And my very favorite.

_The water is wide, y__et I must go_

_Oh would that I h__ad wings to fly_

_Give me a boat t__hat will carry two_

_Then both may go, m__y love and I_

_._

_Oh love is strong, a__nd love is fine_

_And love is gold, w__hile it still is new_

_Yet when love grows old, t__hen it will grow cold_

_And fade away l__ike the morning dew_

_._

_A ship that sails o__ut on the sea_

_Is loaded deep, d__eep as she can be_

_Yet not so deep a__s the love I'm in_

_I know not if I __sink or swim_

**A/N: So, what do you guy think so far? Please leave a review and let me know! I'll try and update again this weekend.**


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